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I've often received letters from people who feel they have low self-worth and are hoping to improve things with some cosmetic procedure or other. This is a minefield and I always urge anyone considering cosmetic surgery to make sure they are properly counselled before agreeing to any procedure. It's all too easy to pin too many hopes on an operation fixing everything that's wrong with life. And, of course, it won't.
I want to increase my bust size to get a better social life
Dear Dilys
I'm 25 and have given up waiting for my breasts to grow. Would this be a good age to have implants? I notice that men always go for big-busted women and I've never kept a boyfriend for long. My best friend has lovely breasts and wears low-cut tops which show them off beautifully. If only I could be like her, I'm sure life would be better, I'd make more friends and have a better social life.
Marjie
(P.S. The trouble is I don't have any money so could I get this done on the National Health?)
Dear Marjie,
To answer your last question first, no is the most likely answer. No GP is going to refer you to a cosmetic surgeon on the National Health Service unless you have a serious psychiatric need for bigger breasts. And at your age, I imagine most responsible GP's would simply suggest you try to get on with your life without pinning all your hopes on a bigger bust to sort out your social life. It would seem that all the men you must know must be very shallow if they're only interested in girls with big busts. And I question how accurate this view of yours is. Have a think about how you'd feel if you did have some breast implants and then suddenly found men flocking around you. Wouldn't you begin to question their motives at that point and wonder if they weren't only attracted to you for your bust-size? And couldn't that end up being even more psychologically upsetting than your present position where you feel your small breasts are contributing to your lack of success in attracting men? A good relationship is founded on mutual respect and an appreciation of every aspect of each other's character and nature...not simply on a bust size. So, bearing in mind that you can't afford this op anyway, try to concentrate - not on your physical attributes - but on all the other qualities that I'm sure you must have. Ask your good friends to tell you what they like and admire about you and try to build up your self-confidence by listening to what they say, reminding yourself of it often, and by trying to believe it!
Dilys
Nose-job a suitable gift for girl-friend?
Dear Dilys,
I?m thinking of giving my girl-friend a nose-job as her birthday present. I?m only doing this because she?s told me she?s self-conscious about her nose and has thought about changing it. But friends are trying to warn me off, saying that if I mention my idea I?ll only give her more of a complex about her nose. What do you think?
Glen
Dear Glen,
I?d be very wary of giving anyone any form of cosmetic surgery as a present. Our looks aren?t a commodity that can be changed at will without huge personal and sometimes psychological cost.
If your girlfriend is serious about having her nose done, she?s likely to discuss with her nearest and dearest. So wait until that moment before bringing up the subject and then you can be seen as trying to respond to her concern rather than having anything against her nose yourself!
Her friends are right to think this is a touchy area. She may have been simply sounding you out about what you thought of her nose when she last mentioned it. There?s a vast difference between being self-conscious about it and feeling it needs to be changed. If she felt, after your last discussion, that it didn?t bother you at all, she may have decided she can live with it. And you certainly don?t want to make her think you feel she needs to have the nose done.
If the appropriate moment arises, though, when she clearly wants to talk about it, try to ask her open questions about her own feelings rather than jumping in with any views of your own. When people ask what we think about their appearance, they rarely want an honest answer from us. It?s more likely that they?re simply testing us, using us as a sounding-board so that they can then work out their true feelings for themselves.
So tread carefully with your girl friend and be sure to let her know that you love her just as she is and that no change is necessary as far as you?re concerned.
It would, after all, be a pretty shallow relationship if your love for her depended on the size and shape of her nose!
Any nose-job is likely to involve major surgery and is therefore not to be entered into lightly. Your girlfriend would have to undergo a general anaesthetic which is a risk in itself, and as with all operations there?s always a slight risk of infection.
So, she needs to talk this over with professionals and people who are qualified to help. Tell her to start with BAAPS - the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons whose surgeons are all fully trained (
Counselling can help weigh up all the pros and cons and ensure she doesn?t have too high hopes of the operation. Some cosmetic surgery can provide a boost to confidence but sometimes it?s a huge let down.
Dilys
Should I invest spare cash in my own breasts?
Dear Dilys,
I'm 45, divorced, children grown up and left home and with a little spare cash. I'm thinking of having breast implants for no other reason than the fact that I feel like I'd like to give myself a present. I've always felt a little under-endowed in that area, and Ok, so I know it's a bit late, but it's something I've always wanted. Do you think I'm being stupid or silly or frivolous..and could there been hidden dangers I'm not aware of, or any psychological reason why I shouldn't go ahead? (Most friends and family think I'm mad and should be satisfied with my life as it is - which is pretty good!
Diana
Dear Diana,
No cosmetic procedure is to be entered into lightly. All operations involve a certain risk and to have two breast implants would be a fairly major operation, so you're right to ask these questions. Also, there's going to be a big cost element and you must remember that once you've spent the money, it's gone. Perhaps it might be a good idea at this stage to have a think about what else you could spend the money on? It would buy you a pretty nice holiday, after all, maybe two or three! It all depends how much value you place on having a bigger bust, doesn't it? And, it has to be said, you've managed quite a long time with what you think is less than perfect..and it doesn't seem to have stopped you having a great life and a good time. As for the psychological implications, these are difficult to predict. But yes, once you wake up after your op you will be different. Your bust size will be different. You wont' be quite the same as when you went to sleep. You have to be prepared to feel different, therefore, about yourself. It would probably be a good idea to have a chat with a counsellor about all of this. A good counsellor would help you work out precisely why you're thinking of doing this, what exactly you're hoping to achieve by changing bust size, and whether things will really feel so much better if you do.
Dilys